The Magic of Precision

When I hear submissives talking about being owned by a dominant or being their dom’s “property,” something in me recoils slightly. You may have even noted that Helios and I are Dominant and submissive, not Master and slave. While that distinction means absolutely nothing to many within the BDSM community, it means something to me. Words mean something to me.

Maybe it’s the autism, maybe it’s the homeschooling, and maybe it’s just my personality. But words have specific meanings, and English offers more than a few words for speakers to choose: Is it so wrong that I want to use those words? I don’t settle for happy when I mean ecstatic, nor do I accept sad when the truth is morose. Sometimes I’m weary and not tired, but sometimes I’m wary instead of scared. Words weave magic around people, entrancing them in spells, binding their attention. Words illuminate the darkness and eradicate ignorance, elucidate intention. Words are the power to nurture or stunt, to fertilize or destroy lives.

Therefore, when I describe myself as a submissive and not a slave, it’s because those words mean different things and I have determined one meaning does not apply and the other does. Meaning comes not just from the dictionary, though.

Linguistics makes a distinction between the definition of a word as you find it in a dictionary (called the “denotation”) and another type of meaning. This other type of meaning is called the “connotation” and it refers to the nuances of the word, the attitude of the word, or the things that word makes people think of or feel when they hear it. For example, the word “home” has a fairly simple definition along the lines of “a building where someone lives,” yet many people associate the word with family, safety, rest, or comfort. This connotation is why many people talk about the difference between a house and a home or why people talk metaphorically about “home is where the heart is.”

Connotations are just as real as the dictionary meaning.

The Ghost of the Word

I cannot separate the word “slave” from the myriad of negative connotations I have for the word. I think of humanity being forcibly stripped from a person. I am reminded of families separated, of the unmarked graves, of the intentional removal of culture, and of loss of connection to ancestry and ancestors. I remember the ruling class treating humans like property, the same as a cow to be bought, sold, and used until they cannot be used anymore. I see how white supremacy faced African American emancipation and responded by creating the industrial prison complex to create a way to continue having access to unpaid labor.

Too many people are still actively impacted by real slavery in 2026 for me to casually apply the term to myself to describe a consensual relationship. I don’t judge others who choose that label because I know not everyone will have the same internal thought processes as me, but I just can’t do it.

So when I think of applying the term “property” or “slave” to myself, I have a visceral reaction of disgust and rejection. I am a person, and no one gets to remove a milliliter of that humanity from me. No one: Neither dominant nor politician nor partner nor coworker may treat me with any less than the dignity and respect I am owed by virtue of being human.

Therefore, I am also not property.

But I belong to Helios. Not with Him: To Him.

How can I belong to Him and not be His property or slave?

A Perspective, Not a Condition

I belong to Helios because belonging is a state of mind and not a state of being. A state of being is a condition that the person may or may not have had any agency in: You can’t choose your ethnicity, but your ethnicity is very much a state of being. A state of mind, however, is a perspective you intentionally weave around yourself. Belonging is less about how the world sees our relationship and more about how we perceive our place in each other’s world.

Linguistics and definitions may live in the brain, but a state of mind can be profoundly lived out in the body when the mind is quiet and the experience takes over.

Lived Truth

Helios came to my house so I could show Him the work I had done setting up my combo craft room and playroom. After expressing appreciation for the work I had done, He told me to stop talking, take my clothes off, and get on the bed. Surprised, excited, and eager to comply, I did so. As He had His way with me, He leaned over me.

“This,” He said as He thrust into my drenched pussy, “is Mine, and I will use it whenever and wherever I want to. Until I say so, you belong to Me. Nothing can change that.”

We have expressed similar levels of commitment to each other many times: I am His and He is mine. This time hit me differently, though. I felt worry melt away from me, leaving me blissfully present in the moment.

Belonging to Helios means I’m safe, cared for, cherished, protected, and desired. He will use what is His, yes, but He will also make sure I have everything I need and push me to grow in all areas of my life. He will not casually set me aside because I am not passing entertainment to Him.

I’m His until He says otherwise; those words weave around me and whisper the simple truth that He’s not going to say otherwise. Some might call that being His slave or His property, but I call it being loved.